The Paris Connection

If I have to make an evaluation of my last stay in Paris, I have a deep feeling that I would be talking mostly of a special stay. There are minor details, such as the weather, to contemplate as having been particularly annoying. I even started on the wrong foot, falling ill almost a week after my arrival. Second, I came upon the unwanted need to close a story that was playing only in my mind, as a way of facing the daily struggle of waking up and finding that the only challenge to surmount was getting to the office. On that note, there is no argument that my first two weeks were certainly not very optimistic.

However, December brought interesting additions to the monotonous Parisian landscape. If a story closed, another one opened, or did it? I would say that it found an exit that was inevitable and known to both partners involved. Then, surprisingly, just when I was tripping over old memories filled with warmth but framed within the confines of delusional fantasy, the miracle happened. The connection was there, becoming palpable in front of my aroused senses. The flow was started, it felt nice and odd, just like it was meant to be. No words can express the pure feeling of bliss, so I am at a loss in any language. Letting it be was not a choice. It was written on the cards.

Orlando: If I were a man...
Shelmerdine: You?
Orlando: I might choose not to risk my life for an uncertain cause. I might think that freedom won by death is not worth having. In fact...
Shelmerdine: You might choose not to be a real man at all. Say, if I were a woman...
Orlando: You?
Shelmerdine: I might choose not to sacrifice my life caring for my children, nor my children's children, nor to drown anonymously in the milk of female kindness, but instead, say, to go abroad. Would I then be...
Orlando: A real woman?

Paris always brings back to me those memories of over six years ago, when I was a literary-oriented person with a restless mind. Looking back on those years of yonder, I surprisingly find that many of the selections and readings I made stayed with me. One of the authors I treasure the most in my Paris-minded library is American poet and journalist Stephen Crane. In his short life (he lived to be 29 years old only) he wrote one of the most shocking and passionate poems I have read. Here it is:

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter -- bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

Poem Session

Disdain me not without desert,
Nor leave me not so suddenly;
Since well ye wot that in my heart
I mean ye not but honestly.
Disdain me not.

Refuse me not without cause why,
Nor think me not to be unjust;
Since that by lot of fantasy
This careful knot needs knit I must.
Refuse me not.

Mistrust me not, though some there be
That fain would spot my steadfastness;
Believe them not, since that we see
The proof is not as they express.
Mistrust me not.

Forsake me not till I deserve
Nor hate me not till I offend;
Destroy me not till that I swerve;
But since ye know that I intend,
Forsake me not.

Disdain me not that I'm your own:
Refuse me not that I'm so true:
Mistrust me not till all be known:
Forsake me not ne for no new.
Disdain me not.

Writ(h)ing efforts

What wouldn't I have for you?

I would have a warm bed, endless talks, walks in the open air, books to leaf through, passions to discover, coincidences to find, places to go, tears to hide, moves to halt, fears to kill, certainties to assess, reasons to exist.

What wouldn't you have for me?

You would have empathy, puzzlement, sensitivity, craziness, and love, pure love. But you wouldn't have the courage it takes, or the right answer. You would only, eternally, hesitate, for fear of losing me in this difficult shape I am, in my own little maze of hopeless chances, under your delirious, torturing spell.

I know, I have been there myself. Payback time in life comes sooner or later, and now it is my turn.

Fingersmith aired a while ago on the BBC, the second part of a series deal apparently signed in by the prestigious chain with Victorian novelist Sarah Waters. Here's a good video posted by a fan of the series on You Tube. If you have not seen the series, you will probably feel a little bit distanced from the characters and the ambiance of the film. If you have, I think you will enjoy Kelly Clarkson's singing enhancing the pent-up passion of the characters in another remarkable Lesbian TV moment.

BBC presents...the funniest moment on TV

This happened a while ago, and I remember I was referred to this episode by one of our newspapers in Argentina. After looking for a clip of this incident on the web, I remember laughing my head off for two or three minutes. It was hilarious! The guy, with a French accent, sweating like crazy and trying to come up with a story to respond to the nice-looking hostess of the IT section, is something memorable. Initially I thought this person had come to the BBC for an interview in reply to an ad looking for an IT specialist at the station. However, the record of this interview on You Tube says he was a taxi driver. Whatever the case, this is a moment to enjoy.

Beyond the corpse

Today, Perón's grave was opened to take DNA samples that could certify whether Marta Holgado, a woman who claims to be the General's daughter, is indeed Perón's only direct descendant. While browsing on You Tube, looking for movie trailers that could set me off on a day I would not like to be as hard as it is being, I came across this short trailer, allegedly for a documentary on cemeteries. Oddly enough, the people speaking in this movie are clearly Argentines, so I think I could publish it on a day when history is being made, with the corpse of one of the Argentine political leaders that either killed the country, or made it live its only longtime fantasy, where death has been present more than once.

Tinkerbell K

Yesterday, Argentina's beloved human rights conscious president, Néstor Kirchner, was present at the NYSE to ring the bell that started operations in the mecca of capitalism. It is paradoxical, coming from a president whose mandate will be associated to high legal insecurity, a freeze on the bondholders' oustanding debt following the country's debacle at end 2001, and 2003-level prices for inflation-sensitive prices (crude, oil products, utility fares, etc).

Similarly, Kirchner is well-known in his Southern homeland for his gratuitous sense of humor, his excessive self-confidence, and his success in securing votes and popular support despite his total absence of charisma. Of course, he is also famous for his diatribes against the IMF, the US, and whatever looks like the "right", either domestically or abroad. However, he could not resist the temptation to have some "pro-market" anecdote attached to his period in office, and he accepted the invitation to Wall Street.

In years to come, when Argentina suffers yet another crisis and his government is finally revealed for what it is, another stage in the long-lasting comedy of manipulations that shapes this country's fate, everybody will be once more cursing, and shocked to have believed "this time was different". Do not be deluded. K is only another card in the game, and will go down with irritating anecdotes, just as his predecessors have since Independence was declared.

Keith Olbermann and dissident America

Keith Olbermann's special insight on Bush in the remembrance of the 9/11 tragedy five years later is a historical speech. I was glad and relieved to find, from abroad, that America is not as simple as some think it to be. Some American people are speaking up as voices that could, hopefully, produce much-needed change.

Paja day

I'm working at half the pace I should today. There are those days when one simply should let go and relax, enjoy the moment. I had wonderful concentration last week, closing things that could have kept me dragging along for ages only 20 days before. But today there is something I need, perhaps seeing the world outside a little, walking around in the park, reading a good book and things of that kind.

Well, I'm also tempted to buy some ice-cream and eat it. My favorite flavor is dulce de leche, and Persicco ice cream parlor is only a few blocks away...Should I resist the temptation and try to stick to my recently lost pounds? Maybe, after all these things, I should only keep on working.

Too bad. The day outside looks lovely, and I can't fully see it through my window.

Wbloggar back

Bloggers worldwide must have received the news of the return of Marcelo Cabral's wbloggar with joy. Only last week we were disappointed to find his site was down and looking like a serious issue had come up. Luckily now we can sit back and relax on this unfortunate lockdown.

Sunday September 3rd. It is a chilly and cloudy afternoon in Buenos Aires, Agassi played his last match in a tennis tournament today, and was kicked off by an unknown German named B. Becker. If there was a nationality that should not have sent him out, it was German, but life has those oddities.

Done by 38

Funny Little Frog

[Listening to: Funny Little Frog - Belle & Sebastian - Funny Little Frog (03:10)]

I am 38 today. An interesting age, if one thinks about it. Not yet 40 and no longer 30, not in between things, but somehow past the middle term of the third decade of my life. It is fine, I guess, if life has been lived relatively well, which I am not sure it is my case. Whatever, I'm OK in a not too nice day in Buenos Aires (cloudy, melancholic and busy).

I am launching another year in the continous ride to purgatorium. There is a reason to celebrate, which I will not do today but this weekend, before the struggle with my working life begins as people (bosses included) begin to return from their holidays.

I felt like writing the other day, and did not quite begin to do it. Another frustrated effort. At this pace, I will become a writer at around the same time as Jose Saramago, although I'll never get the Nobel Prize.

I am 38, currently writing about Brazil politics and energy issues, and reading a great contemporary writer, Roberto Bolaño in a long piece of work put together after his death entitled 2666. This is one of the best books I've read in the past two or three years, a thoroughly recommendable piece of work.

Good Friday

[Listening to: Sweet The Sting - Tori Amos - The Beekeeper (04:16)]

I have always wondered why the Holy Week Friday was known in English as Good Friday. First of all, if you are a Catholic, the death of the Christ, even for Salvation's sake, should not be good at all. I would personally call it Sad Friday, Mourn Friday, or something of the sort. Whatever the case, there is another oddity about this particular Friday. In France, a relatively Catholic country I would say, this Friday people work (here I am), but the real holiday is Monday. I am thinking, is this a sign that the actual celebration is the resurrection, or is it simply a misconception on the part of the French?

Tori Amos in the background, a cold and rather dark afternoon outside. Autumn is coming finally, the good days on this side of the hemisphere are slowly coming to an end. Have a Happy Easter!

Dana Dies

In the latest episode of The L Word, one of the most lovable characters died, the tennis player Dana Fairbanks, portrayed by Erin Daniels. True, I had never really felt strongly for Dana for that matter, although I must admit that it was an interesting character. The love story with Alice is a reflection of many parallel stories in lesbian life, sad that it ended so dramatically and without much else to hope for. Death, the great leveller, intervened early in Dana and Alice's lives, taking one away and leaving the other to grieve the loss of a lover/friend. Much has been argued against having had Dana lose her battle to breast cancer, and I understand that the show producer, Ilene Chaiken, hesitated herself, finally choosing to kill Dana as a way of raising awareness over the issue. To that I might as well say, what about those lesbians who regularly go to their gynecologists and have cancer anyway? By not giving Dana more than 5 episodes of "life", IC proved that the lethal variant can just blow you away in no time if you are young. Unless some counterpart to this is given in the show at some point of its fourth season, the precedent has been set that cancer kills. Thanks for the news! Together with lesbos going back to men (Tina), irreversibly unfaithful dykes (Shane), and lezzies on the hunt for men to get those precious drops of sperm, the show has been as stereotyped as lesbian portrayal in prime time TV series for the average guy. Now, instead of keeping suspension of disbelief as valid as when Shakespeare the troubadour wrote his most memorable works, the show has chosen to give homosexual women a lecture on how serious life is, so much so that it can kill your lovable people. My only question to this is: Didn't we know this already from life itself? Isn't life hard enough to need more TV reality crap being fed into our system when we should be simply enjoying ourselves as viewers a little more? Guys, I'm not asking for promiscuous lifestyles or anything like that, but I think that lesbian cancer is another of a long list of typical issues in lesbian life. Calling people's attention by killing off Dana was perhaps a little bit too much, whereas giving hope, or at least keeping her alive long enough to make her own farewell process, would have been a much more reasonable storyline. There is nothing to do, bad writing is bad writing, regardless of your sexual preference.

Imagine Me & You
As I said in a past posting on this blog, gay-related films keep making headlines and proving that, when it comes to love, all forms of it can be marketable. I still cannot comment on the film as it is unlikely to arrive in Argentina any time soon, but I imagine it to be closer to Kissing Jessica Stein than to When Night is Falling. Nevertheless, it's good to have a gay story as a driver inside a romantic movie aimed for mainstream audiences, so I'll probably be saying more on this once I've seen the film. The worst that can happen is to become less attracted to Piper Perabo, whose role in Lost and Delirious will be among the best remembered performances in lesbian cinema.